If you’re new to the US, one of the many things you’ll struggle with is making friends. So, if you find yourself getting along with some women, take this chance to get to know them better. And what better way than organize a ladies night or potluck or brunch! If you want to get over the phase of making small talk and start making genuine friendships, you have to put yourself out there and start planning your next meetup. There’s a probability that some ladies organize such get togethers frequently and you’ll be added to the list if you express interest (or if they like you).
Home decor
“Wow your house looks really beautiful” If you’re visiting someone’s house in the US, you’ll mostly notice that people take great care in making their home look aesthetically pleasing and well organized. If you’re visiting for the first time, they will give a quick house tour. You can pick some great ideas to apply and chat up with them on where to shop from and how to use certain tools that you’re not familiar with. Take a mental note of things that appeal to you and gradually you can ask them on where can you find something similar. Most often they’ll be friendly and helpful with some advice if you are genuinely interested and compliment them 🙂
Recipes
“How did you bake such a good walnut cake?!” or “That hummus is homemade?” If the host/hostess is a home chef, you will find new and old dishes prepared with a lot of care and love. When you’re helping them setting up the table, chat them up on all things kitchen, cooking and recipes. They would love to share with you if you’re in need of help. The key here is to build genuine connection – feel free to compliment them and appreciate the time taken to cook and serve 🙂 If the host/hostess has catered the food, take note of the cuisine and menu items. When I went to holiday party, I was amazed to see cut veggies displayed on a cake stand with multiple hummus dips. I also got to learn about the meat and cheese charcuterie platter which was completely new to me! I found myself asking the hostess to help me pick and show me the right way to pair it. Connections are built when you are being yourself 🙂
Personal Style
“That’s a cute blouse. I’ve been looking to try animal print” If you like your hostess’s sense of dressing and style, feel free to compliment them. I remember when I was new to Tampa, I met this woman at an event who herself with a lot of panache, dressed to the T, polished, well spoken, hair in place, nails done and strutting confidently in heels. In my head I thought to myself this is how I would like to carry myself. I’ve approached multiple women to talk to at events and parties only to say how much I liked their dress or shoes or hair. If they’re friendly they will be quick to respond and might continue to hold the conversation with you. In the US, how you dress up and carry yourself is what makes a solid first impression. Don’t shy away from chatting up on a topic that women would be more than happy to 🙂
Listen to this podcast interview where I talk about ‘Finding friends in a foreign land’
Deals/Discounts
“You won’t believe there’s a 40% sale that’s going on at the mall” If you’re making girlfriends, how can you not talk about saving money?? I’m a savvy shopper myself, so I’m all ears if you’re going to tell me that you got 5 items for $50. When you’re new to the city (*coughs country), you’d want to know more about the best online and offline shopping spots with great deals, right? So, this one time I was amazed with the art and books collection at someone’s house and I said it aloud “Man I wish I could collect art, but ain’t cheap”. The woman laughs and says, “Let me take you to the Thrift store, soon, hun” I was blown away and immediately signed up for a lifetime friendship subscription hehe
[blockquote author=”No one ever” ]Please come to our house party because we can’t afford to go out for the next 30 years[/blockquote]
Family
Now I’m not the first one to bring up the topic of “Where’s your family located?” or “You have any siblings?” Because sometimes people have a not so normal relationship with their families. So, unless, this topic is brought on naturally, I tend to not ask. Instead I would say something like “My sister and I are the same when it comes to picking out restaurants” or “That’s exactly how my mom would advise”. Slide in your family introductions gently to see if they respond positively and then you know it’s a safe topic. A lot of people enjoy talking about their family if they live apart and miss them – you’ll find that as a common thread 🙂
Spouse
“Omg my husband is the SAME when it comes to wandering socks” – isn’t this the easiest topic to bond over while making new girlfriends? Husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, exes pick your poison – always an entertaining topic. For example, I might not know anything about this except she’s married. So, you can start with “When and where did you get married” – if she’s recently married or “How many years have you been together?” – if it’s a long-term relationship. Once you get a head start, you know you will eventually talk all things about being married/in a relationship – good, bad and funnily bond worthy 🙂 P.S. As a precaution, avoid bitching about your spouse.
Kids
This would probably be the first topic for most mommies out there. I’m not an expert at this topic because we’re still family planning. But, I’m the oldest among my cousins and held a lotta babies in my hands (cool aunt here ya’ll). That being said, if I’m on a table with mommies, I’ve also learnt much more about their kids and their poo and their school teachers and general lack of sleep. What I’m trying to say is, you will never fall short of topics if you’re planning to/have/had kids. And the best part? Mommies support Mommies. You’ll quickly make a group of your own once you connect with like-minded mommies 🙂
Hobbies
Sharing same hobbies is the ultimate topic to keep conversing. Your eyes will lighten up, you’ll use your hands to express and you’ll have their attention. You ask “So what do you like to do in your spare time? I’m almost always online window shopping hehe”. I’ve made friends because of common interests and hobbies. It could be as small as love for coffee or reading sci-fi books or keeping the house organized or wine tasting and all that good stuff. Maybe you could plan your next meet-up to engage in the similar activities.
So, go out there, find that common thread, interest, hobby and start making friends! Who knew making small talk could lead to making new friends!
Listen to this podcast interview where I talk about ‘Finding friends in a foreign land’